Buy me my Vagisil so I know it's real.
This blast of cold has me wondering if everyone has their cuddle buddy on lock to help get them through it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for love, even if it is temporary. I implore all of you to find someone to share some time with this winter. Be safe, but be open to the possibility and comfort of love (and loving). It's a beautiful thing to have someone there to make you warm when outside is -32 degrees Celsius.
If you've found someone like that, then good for you. If you haven't, keep trying!! But what we're not gonna do is try to find a cuddle buddy when you have a perfectly good piece of cake waiting for you at home.
Exhibit A: The other day, while quickly picking up something from my local Asian food market...a man stopped me with the usual "hey beautiful". Now normally I would ignore this cat call, but in those narrow ass aisles there was no way to get around him without acknowledging his presence. I responded with a quick, "hello" and tried to maneuver around him.
"You look like you need a friend"
"Sorry, I'm married" I replied, flashing him my ring.
"That's a lucky man", he responds, looking defeated.
I thought that was the end of it, I was almost at the end of the aisle when I heard,
"Could you please help me for a sec?"
Shit. I told you I'm a caring person right? So of course I turned back around.
"Sure, what's up?"
"You know a ting named... um, um... Vagisil? The body wash. Mi can't find it none at all."
Now, as a mother and as someone who works closely with children and adolescents, I like to pride myself on having a great deal of patience. THIS however, I had no patience for.
The same man who was just trying to pick me up not even 5 minutes ago, was now asking me to help me locate Vagisil!!!!!! For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a feminine wash designed to keep a woman's vagina clean.
So not only do you have a woman in your life that you are THAT close with who is comfortable asking you to go to the store and buy her some feminine wash, but you are also that DUMB to ask ANOTHER WOMAN to help you find the product.
I've inserted an example of the expression on my face below. I simply told him to try a shoppers drug mart and walked the hell away. It literally took all the strength in my body to not burst out laughing in his face.
What I Learned
Ladies, this part is specifically for you. 2018 is a couple days away and cheap pick up lines and unavailable men are no longer going to cut it! Set your standards higher and worthy men will find a way to meet them. While I wish you all the earth shattering orgasms in the world this winter, I pray that you find a connection with someone so deep that you too can send him to the store to buy your Vagisil. I only hope that when he does, he's not also shopping for his side piece.